Adventures in WalMart
by Bladestar123
Summary: Ichigo and co. play "Fun things to do in wal mart!" of coures, they have no idea what the heck they are doing be nice, its my first fic. T to be safe. enjoy!
1. The list

**Remember, I don't own Bleach or anything else that belongs to TK. For now. Mwuahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha (cough) (wheeze) (pant, pant)**

**Okay… Reviews are welcome, Flames are welcome with Machine Guns!**

1. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

2. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.

3. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone,

"'Code 3' in housewares"... and see what happens.

4. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.

5. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

6. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.

7. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask,

"Why can't you people just leave me alone?"

8. Look right into the security camera & use it as a mirror, and pick your nose.

9. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti - depressants are.

10. Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.

11. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look"

12. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through,

say "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"

13. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream...

"NO! NO! It's those voices again!"

14. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while and then yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!

15. Grab a lot of bouncy balls and throw them down the aisle, shouting "Go, Pikachu, Go"

16. Pass out bananas to random people and snicker loudly when they take one.

17. Buy 350 cans of tuna and scream "THIS CAN'T BE RIGHT!! YOU HAVE TO PUT SOME BACK!!" when the cashier tells you the price.

18. Walk around looking confused in the CD section and ask people where you can find the CDs.

19. Start a fish-stick fight.

20. Walk up to random people, give them bear hugs, and say very loudly that you missed them and they never really did get that dandruff shampoo you recommended.

21. Jump in a cart and have a friend push you while you scream "The Germans are coming!"

22. Attempt to fly off a high shelf.

23. Run up to an employee and ask "Do you like me?" If they say no, yell out "You broke my heart, you evil monster! I'm telling the manager!" and start throwing canned tomatoes at them. If they say yes just to get you away, pat their shoulder, and say "What a shame because that girl over there" point to a random person "was just about to ask you to dinner."

24. Throw confetti on random people walking into the store.

25. Whisper "I know your 'little' secret" to people in the checkout lines.

26. Stand inside the freezer in the frozen food section.

27. Walk up to employees and whisper "I saw dead people...they want me to take you away...to aisle eight..."

29. See how many cans of frosting you can open and thoroughly lick without getting caught.

30. Go to a person with a shopping cart full of merchandise and demand a ride in the basket.

31. Practice your juggling with a few Grade-A eggs.

32. Squeeze the cream-filled doughnuts.

33. Walk into the baby clothes section, pick up a pink baby dress, then throw it down and run away screaming that the pink bunnies of doom came back.

34. Bow to the display of in the electronics section.

35. See if you can move the bottom can from the gigantic canned beet pyramid

"Alright, got the list?" Ichigo grinned

"Yeah, but why the hell are we doing this again?" Replied Rukia

_Flashback_

"_I'm bored" Renji whined_

_A vein throbbed in Ichigo's forehead. He had been whining since Urahara had kicked him out of the shop, for 'maintenance' work._

"_Shut up renji, we get the point" said an equally irritated Rukia_

"_I know, it's just that we've been sitting here for __**hours."**_

"_Then you think of something!"_

"_I'm the guest!"_

"_So am I!"_

_They both looked at Ichigo. The vein was close to bursting._

"_Hey Ichi-"She noticed the vein "umm, on second thought maybe we should give you some alone time" Rukia was nearly dragging Renji out. "Just remember, to get the games ready," he called out, "before the other come." _

_Ichigo whipped his head toward him "Others?"_

"_Yeah, did I forget to mention?" He looked at them. Rukia looked confused, and Ichigo had another 2 veins join his first one. "Huh, apparently not." Ichigo's veins started throbbing. "some of the captains and vice- captains are taking their break in the human world with you. Rukia was surprised thay even had a break. Ichigo's whole forehead was throbbing. _

_It was at that moment that the doorbell rnag and the reasons for Ichigos headache let themselves in. The trio raced downstairs to see what appeared to be about half of the captain and vice- captains. "Hey Ichigo" called Matsumoto, at whom Isshin was currently staring at. Well, not really staring at her face, but somewhat lower…_

"_Ichigo, my boy, you have finally grown up" he sobbed._

"_Shut UP old man!" Ichigo roared. "everybody upstairs!"_

_After everyone was upstairs, he called for them to be quiet._

"_SHADDUP EVERYONE!!!"_

_They shut up._

"_what do you all want to do?"_

"_PLAY!!!!!!!!!!!"_

"_Play what?"_

_They stared at him blankly._

_Ichigo sighed_

"_WHAT KIND"_

"_violent" said Zaraki, eyeing Ichigo hungrily (not like that you pervs) _

"_Illegal" cheered the rest, except Hitsugaya, who was finishing some paperwork that he had brought with him and Yumichika who simply said (anything that doesn't require me putting my beautiful face at risk, EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK, one side of my face is darkr by half a shade! (panicpanicpanicpanic panicpanic)"_

_Ichigo grinned and clapped his hands together. "Ive got just the thing! Make yourselver comfortable, me and Rukia will get it ready."_

_End Flashback_

"On second thought, don't answer that."

Ichigo smiled. (he seemed to be doing that a lot lately)

"Lets go inform them."

As he waled into the room, he saw everyone spread like doilies (although not quite as pretty) holding sake bottles in their hands.

Ichigo dropped the list. "WHAT THE HELL?!"


	2. Renji and sugar dont mix

_Several minutes later…_

Everyone was rubbing their heads. "What was that for?" Renji whined.

Ichigo glared at him

Renji whimpered and hid in a small dark corner.

"Alright everyone, now that you have been suitably wakened…"

Everyone glared at him

He glared back

"your fault, now suffer. Anyway, me and Rukia set up a list for a fun game called 'fun things to do in Wal-Mart' we must all complete the tasks and do our best not to get arrested."

"how does this game work?" Kira enquired.

"Ichigo grinned. "youll see…"

"FORWARD TROOPS!" Renji roared.

Everyone stared at him and backed away slightly

"He must of found that chocolate bar I'd put away" Ichigo explained

Everyone backed away farther.

"Aaaanyway, lets go!"

_Several Hours later…_

"Are you sure this is legal" Renji grumbled.

Ichigo snickered "No."

"Sweet!" Ikkaku yelled

"My hair.." Yumichika wailed.

Everyone stared and backed away.

"Aaaaaanyway, everyone, get in position!"

Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

Ikkaku looked at the paper "Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals."

He finished 5 in Record time "Well, 595 clocks to go!"

Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

Rukia giggled. "This is fun!"

The tomato juice trail that led to the bachroom looked just like blood.

"I wonder if that's intentional?"

mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

"There's a Code 3 in housewares" Iba said in his most professional tone.

The man keeled over. Iba snickered. He had dome 8 people so far, and all of them exept one passed out. The one left had screamed for his momma and had literally pissed in his pants.

**Sorry for the shortness, but Review!!!!!!!!!!!!**


	3. Bullshit allergies

Rukia giggled. They all had fallen for it! (For what, she had not fully understood)

Everyone was completely avoiding the entire isle! (funny word, isle)

Then she noticed something "Why are there people actually _following_ the trail?"

Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

Hitsugaya sighed. He was always getting the weird jobs. What was layaway anyway?

"Excuse me," he asked, approaching the counter "May I put a bag of M&M's on layaway?"

"uhhhhhhh"

"I will pay 25 cents today, and continue in nickel installments for the other 25 cents."

He walked away, leaving the cashier gaping.

He smirked. Not a bad stress reliever….

Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

"Finally done!" Ikkaku panted.

He looked proudly at his work, then realized that he had forgotten to set the timer for the alarm

"SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!"

Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

"I'm so proud," said Hisagi, wiping away an imaginary tear.

He couldn't hold it in anymore and started cracking up.

He had completely blocked off the entire carpet area using _**CAUTION, WET FLOOR**_ signs.

So far 18 people ahd come by, and all of them had burst out laughing.

One guy passed out from oxygen loss.

Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

The guy following the trail had almost reached her.

(She had finally figured out why)

She was going to scream 'rape' wwhen a shadow appeared behind him.

"What are you doing here?" Ichigo thundered

"I am here to check on the lady, to make sure she was alright." The man was going for the same affect as I chigos, but ended up with what sounded like a cross between and squeaky toy and a pre- pubescent hamster.

Ichigo simply laughed.

"What" said the man, annoyed now

"Sorry, I'm allergic to bullshit."

The man's eyes widened to the size of dinner plates,

He charged at Ichigo who neatly tripped him, and shoved him in the lady's restroom.

He smiled and lifted Rukia off her feet.

"Shouldn't we finish him off?"

Ichigo snickered "I'm sure it won't be necessary…"

_In the bathroom_

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEk, THERES A GUY IN HERE!"

BIFF

POW

WHACK

_SLAP!!!!!!!!!_

**Please Review, not just add me to list, please?**


	4. Who's Pikachu?

Rukia and Ichigo were walking to the front, when they saw the "stalker" being persued by a horde of women wielding make- up, hairbrushes, and other potentially lethal bathroom necessities.

"Ichigo snickered, Rukia just smiled. Then the rest of the crew showed up. "What the hell is _that!_" Matsumoto yelled.

"Some stalker who was following Rukia. I pushed him into the Girls bathroom" Ichigo replied.

Momo shuddered. "I'm never going to feel safe in there again…"

"Lemme go, I'll kill the bastard!" Renji roared.

"Good think Kuchiki taicho isn't here…" Kommamura mused.

"Good thing" Everyone shuddered

_In Soul Society_

Byakuya Kuchiki was suddenly taken by a fit of sneezing.

_In the Human World_

_Due to some unfortunate circumstances, Wal- Mart will close in 10 minutes._

Everyone groaned.

"We're only gonna have enough time for 1 more!"

"I only got through 387 clocks," Ikkaku wept.

Everyone stared and backed away.

"Ikkaku, you didn't need to do all of them." Ichigo said carefully.

"It's a source of manly pride" Iba boomed.

"Anyway, lets all pitch in together for 1 last event." Momo murmured.

Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

"Go Pikachu, Go" Some 10- odd voices cried, pitching enourmous bouncy balls down the isle, to the horror of onlookers.

"Whos Pikachu?" Rukia mumbled to Renji.

Renji smiled and shrugged. "I have absolutely no Idea"

_**END**_

**Be kind, please review.**


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